So, last year, completely randomly, my friend Leila and I ended up in an enormous facebook thread about the Eurovision song contest, as it was happening. This year, we decided to do it again. And midway through, Bexychan's sister Inky turned up!
I've tried to edit this into something semi-readable. I may have failed.
Opening
Bendanarama: Well, I've got a horrible feeling that opening performance was the highlight of the evening.
Leila: XD Hah hah! That was a catchy version of Satellite.
Bendanarama: Catchy like Syphillis.
Leila: Is
Bendanarama: You know I was just thinking that
Bendanarama: Bexychan think's he's sweet. I want to stab him.
Leila: He looks like the kind of boy you'd bring home to meet your mother.
Bendanarama: He looks like the kind of boy you'd bury in a shallow grave.
Leila: What's Bruce Forsythe doing singing maths?
Bendanarama: Oh Dear sweet Jesus.
Leila: Is that dancer meant to be there?
Bendanarama: A Guy that age singing about going to school usually involves promises of candy and a windowless van.
Leila: AH HAH! Someone mentioned he looks like Eric Idle! It's almost uncanny!
Bendanarama: This event hasn't been the same since Terry Wogan stopped taking the piss out of it.
Bendanarama: and I never thought anything would make me miss Terry Wogan.
Bendanarama: Are they Mass cloning Jedward Now?
Leila: I was just thinking that - they obviously share a stylist.
Leila: And got the same singing instructor as
Bendanarama: This is Bitterly Torrid.
Bendanarama: It's like, Busted level rock.
Leila: Even Busted had more fire in them than this.
Bendanarama: I do hope it's not all gonna be songs about hope and love. Those suck. Give us death and destruction.
Leila: Bring back Lordi!
Bendanarama: YES,
Bendanarama: HARD ROCK HALLELUJAH!
Leila: BLOOD RED SANDMAN!
Leila: Four songs in and nothing decently bouncy and cheesy yet? Are they actually taking their entries seriously this year?
Bendanarama: You're implying they EVER take it seriously.
Bendanarama: Bexychan: "Generic Eurovision Diva."
Leila: Laila: "Kate Bush"
Leila: Is she subjecting the poor deaf people to her singing as well?
Leila: I'm still waiting for her to go into
Leila: Retro pop? Big light up jewellry? NOW WE'RE TALKING!
Bendanarama: "Big Light-up Jewelery." There is no god.
Leila: My mum has a ring that size.
Bendanarama: I choose not to make a rude joke at that statement. I hope you appreciate this.
Leila: I am disappointed you didn't take the bait, Bendanarama.
Leila: Okay, so far,
Bendanarama: KILL THEM. KILL THEM WITH FIRE.
Leila: THEY WILL BLOW UP THE STADIUM WITH THE AMOUNT OF HAIRSPRAY IN THOSE BOUFFANTS
Bendanarama: GRAHAM NORTON LIES.
Leila: HE'S IRISH, OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO SUPPORT THEM.
Bendanarama: Well Shit, Nietzche was right.
Leila: Lady Gaga called, she wants her wardrobe back.
Leila: In fact, I'm imagining Lady Gaga singing this now. So much better.
Bendanarama: Did no-one in
Leila: Apparently not.
Bendanarama: Everything about this evening thus far has been a hideous abortion of music.
Leila: Shit, the Eurovision facebook is exploding!
Bendanarama: I'll take your word for it.
Leila: It took me the whole song for my comment to get through!
Bendanarama: If only Eurovision would explode.
Bendanarama: In an Enormous fireball.
Bendanarama: Oh Christ.
Leila: .....I think I know him.
Bendanarama: This is like, the theme tune for the horribly deluded.
Leila: I'm sure he was dressed as a Pokemon on Thursday night.
Bendanarama: Bexychan: "POPULAR. LOVE ME."
Leila: Can I have his shirt?
Bendanarama: No.
Bendanarama: Just No.
Leila: Ah least he had the decency to have hot dancers.
Leila: Please?
Leila: Or one of his dancers?
Leila: Is he going to emulate David Blaine?
Bendanarama: Feel free to the dancers. Given your recent misadventures, I think they're right up your alley.
Bendanarama: or each others.
Leila: Hey, I can still watch :p
Leila: COCK GOES WHERE?
Bendanarama: "She's a big star in
Leila: Holy shit, what is she wearing?
Bendanarama: Isn’t that like saying she's the best looking patient in a burns ward?
Leila: MAGIC!
Bendanarama: ...I wouldn't.
Leila: Eh, not much to comment on here for her.
Bendanarama: she has manjaw.
Leila: High hopes for
Leila: Hope now wavering.
Bendanarama: I didn't know David Beckham was the greek entry this year.
Leila: This sounds like a funeral dirge crossed with a military march.
Leila: My Chemical Romance will be all over the cover for this.
Bendanarama: THE FIRES ARE RISING. THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN. VIVA LA RESISTANCE.
Leila: Oooo, okay
Bendanarama: And Mine has already been lost.
Bendanarama: DIE.
Leila: Oh look, Kinicky from the T-Birds.
Leila: is the token black guy wearing a skirt?
Bendanarama: I'LL FEEL YOUR HEARTBEAT WHEN I RIP YOUR STILL BEATING HEART FROM YOUR CHEST YOU FUCK.
Leila: Now you see, this is appealing with the teen girl in me who collected A1 songs.
Leila: Actually, don't they look a lot like Blue?
Bendanarama: The teen girl in you, as I recall is still fairly similar to the girl outside you.
Bendanarama: So. this is the french favourite. Allegedly.
Leila: Ah, but the teen girl inside me wouldn't dream of getting kissed by drunk gay men dressed as Team Rocket.
Leila: Okay, I am impressed by
Bendanarama: That's a lie, and we both know it.
Bendanarama: We're twenty seconds in. I ain't holding my breath yet.
Leila: I dunno, he's holding interest so far.
Leila: And with his voice!
Bendanarama: Okay, I can run with this.
Bendanarama: It's a bit like Nessun Dorma.
Leila: Well done to the computer graphics geeks who did his backdrop for him.
Leila: I was trying to remember what it sounded like.
Leila: FIRE!
Leila: He gets my vote.
Bendanarama: Ooh, Italian Jazz. I'm sold.
Leila I want to sit in a smoky bar somewhere now.
Leila Ow, that note screeched a bit.
Ben Myatt That's Jazz, baby.
Leila I think I'd prefer that song if he didn't sing.
Leila: Okay,
Bendanarama: That is the weirdest fucking green room in creation.
Bendanarama: NURBURGRING! ASTON MARTIN!
Leila: Something relevant to your blog now!
Bendanarama: That's the worst pitstop in history.
Leila: I feel they need some hula dancers there.
Inky His grin, on the bass, :D
Leila: WELCOME INKY!
Bendanarama: taking the piss out of shit TV is relevant to my blog
Leila: I want that background for a screen saver.
Inky THANK YOU ^^
Bendanarama: Na
Bendanarama: Na
Bendanarama: NAAAA
Bendanarama: NA
Leila: Her singing?
Leila: I'm more entranced by the background.
Bendanarama: Yes.
Bendanarama: KILL THEM WITH ACID.
Bendanarama: dammit, why couldn't we get the Aston Martin.
Bendanarama: we get fucking rowers.
Leila: Go Blue Go!
Bendanarama: that sucks.
Inky I'm ashamed to say that Mam and Dad voted for Jedward...
Leila: Blame the English who are living in
Leila: ......
Bendanarama: I'm feeling the cold fingers of another shit year already.
Inky: I would like to make it clear that we had no part in that
Leila: Oh dear Inky Oh dear.
Leila: What? Why? This is a good song!
Leila: Ah, this sounded better on single than it does live.
Bendanarama: I'm not quite sure how to feel about this,
Inky It's not very catchy D:
Leila: I like it!
Bendanarama: Your definition of a good song and mine are startlingly different, arent they?
Leila: You only just twigged this?
Bendanarama: like a flying knee to the testicles.
Bendanarama: WORST. PYRO. EVER.
Leila: Seriously, the studio version sounded so much better.
Bendanarama: That's like saying Herpes is better than Gonnorhea.
Moldolva
Bendanarama: oh, dear sweet jesus.
Inky: oh god
Leila: *is currently laughing and pointing at the TV* GNOOOOMES!
Inky: I love the flying spinny gnomes in the bg
Bendanarama: I wasn’t aware ripping off the strokes was acceptable in Eurovision this year.
Leila: Oh look, as if they don't look mad enough, have a fairy on a unicycle!
Bendanarama: ...
Bendanarama: actually... this is pretty catchy.
Bendanarama: it's gnome-ska.
Leila: ......
Leila: I can NOT stop laughing.
Leila: ....he has a monocle!
Bendanarama: MONOCLE.
Leila: Has
Bendanarama: How far are we in? I don't have any booze, and the evening is starting to blur.
Leila: 16 songs in.
Bendanarama: I would.
Bendanarama: Definitely.
Leila:
Leila: I'm sure Bexychan would too.
Leila: Geez, how skinny is she?
Bendanarama: Bexychan here. All I have to say on the matter is BOW CHICKA BOW WOW. Gotta love me some sexy Germans :D
Leila: This is reminding me of an 80s song.
Bendanarama: "Taken by a stranger." We're back to windowless vans again.
Leila: Whoo,
Bendanarama: ooh, it's Bexychan and Inky's local boy.
Inky Aw yeah :D
Leila: Traitor, singing for another country
Inky Apparently he's been living there for about 5 years
Leila: Okay, this is kinda peppy.
Bendanarama: SEND HIM TO THE TOWER.
Leila: Anyone else bopping along?
Bendanarama: No.
Bendanarama: And
Leila: Okay, an A Capella start sounds interesting.
Leila: Alexandra Burke?
Bendanarama: And she's already up there with Hitler and Fritzl in terms of
Inky: Not too bad, got me swaying along
Leila: Eh, it's not grabbing me.
Leila: Running scared? Think they're confident?
Leila: Somewhere only we know, somewhere only we know~~
Bendanarama: Who let
Bendanarama: IF this doesn't end with live fucking on stage I'm disappointed and they have lost my vote.
Bendanarama: VOTE. LOST.
Leila: Looks like they lost your vote.
Leila: And they're supposed to be the favourites this year.
Leila: I want her gloves.
Bendanarama: That eurovision heart looks a pair of throbbing testicles.
Leila: *covetting those boots*
Leila: Can I mug her for those boots?
Bendanarama: Seriously, enormous pair of nuts.
Leila: I'll catch them the next eyecatch.
Bendanarama: sure. go wild. just make sure you kill them all.
Leila: I think each of them has an item of clothing I want. Easy enough.
Leila: You must have a weird pair of nuts.
Leila:
Bendanarama: I can run with this one.
Bendanarama: Is that James Corden?
Leila: Could very well be
Bendanarama:
Leila: I'm dancing already.
Bendanarama: Yup. Sucks. Balls.
Leila: I quite like this.
Leila: This is a nice light hearted summer song.
Bendanarama: You Would.
Leila: Did he just say
Leila: !! I recognise the sand artist!
Leila: She skinned a poor bird for her dress!
Leila: That artist is so awesome.
Leila: Okay, hands up if you paid more attention to the arty background as opposed to her singing?
Inky: Was mesmerised by the sand painting that I ignored the song
Inky: Yeah, that XD
Leila: ....
Leila: I'M SOLD.
Bendanarama: I see
Leila: I want the green dress
Inky: Ok, this one is great
Bendanarama: And I want to drink until I'm unconscious. I guess we're all losing today.
Bendanarama: OH GOD THE BACKGROUND IS GIVING ME A FITESOFJ{AOFJOAHFOHFDS{AOF
Leila: Who needs alcohol when that screen is enough to send you loopy?
Leila:
Bendanarama: Oh God. I smell sweat and despair
Leila: Flashing lights? Haven't there been enough already? Why warn now?
Leila: NEEEEEXT
Bendanarama: WINNING.
Leila: It's
Bendanarama:
Leila: With Amy Winehouse on vocals.
Bendanarama: FUCKING SOLD. MY VOTE IS GIVEN.
Leila: I'm sticking with
Leila: I might like this song if it was a gravelly male voice.
Bendanarama: Yes. Just. Fucking. YEs.
Inky: The skirt of her dress is awful.
Into the Voting
Leila: So Inky, who are you voting for?
Inky:
Inky: Parents have voted for
Bendanarama:
Leila:
Leila: I will be very sorely disappointed if
Bendanarama:
Bendanarama: Bexychan is having a freakout. Graham Norton is talking on the TV AND ON HER PHONE.
Leila: XD
Bendanarama: WINNING.
Leila: Why is there a
Leila: How many
Bendanarama: too fucking many.
Leila: This is going to be interesting.
------
And in an update, Azerbaijan went on to win. Despite the lack of on stage fucking. It was a entertaining year, despite a severe lack of booze, and it was mainly tolerable because I spent most of the evening sitting there taking the piss out of it.
2 comments:
You douche, why have you referred to me as bexychan? I'm not bexychan, I'm just bex!
Because, as your huband, I can.
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