Wednesday, 18 May 2011

I ain't afraid of no ghost(writer).

The other day, BBC 1's The One Show ran a piece on how "dishonest" the labelling of a kids book as "Enid Blyton's The new Adventures of the wishing chair" was. The reason for this is because the book was written by a ghostwriter.

Now, I've applied for work as a ghostwriter before. I've spoken to some people who have done ghostwriting. It is hard graft for very little reward, but it is also very definitively a skill. Now, the morality of supposedly making it appear that the book is written by Enid Blyton aside, personally as an ex-freelancer I feel there is a bigger issue at work that the one show didn't pick up on.

Now, for a lot of freelancers, a lot of work comes in because of reputation. and the like are a great referral service, but the best freelancers I've seen on line are making money because people are coming to them with work.

The last ghostwritten book I bought was Eddie Guerrero's autobiography Cheating Death, Stealing Life. WWE have always been very fair to their ghostwriters, since from what I gather, they become 'one of the boys' when they're on the road with the wrestlers. You'll notice on the cover of Eddie's book that Michael Krugman, the ghostwriter, is given a cover credit. Same goes for William Regal's Walking a Golden Mile (Neil Chandler), and Ric Flair's To Be The Man (Kevin Elliot Greenberg).

Moving away from wrestling Biographies, James Hunt's Against All Odds gives Eoin Hunt fair credit for writing it, as did Robbie Williams with Somebody Someday. In the case of a lot of these, its a hardcover credit on the inside of the sleeve, with a small passage from the ghostwriter. The book is primarily credited to the celebrity, which is fair enough - thats who people are buy the book for.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Ghostwriting process, for a lot of writers it consists of interviews, spending a lot of time with the subject, a Dictaphone and a notepad.

But recently, I've noticed what, to me, is a rather disturbing trend: ghostwriters not getting a proper credit. what the one show pointed out, was the ghostwriter was named only as a dedication in the 'Enid Blyton' book.

Katie Price - better known as Jordan - has supposedly written four Autobiographies and a string of fiction novels. Except she hasn't. All the books were written by a ghostwriter named Rebecca Farnworth.

I'm sure that this doesn't come as a surprise to you. I'm pretty sure everyone figured out that Jordan trying to write would be like a dog quoting Aristotle. Also, I'm fucking AMAZED that Farnworth managed to stretch Jordan's life to four books.

Random house, Price's publisher, released a statement saying beforehand that "Rebecca Farnworth's name is clearly credited on the copyright page of the books."

Really? have you ever tried reading a book's copyright page? Its legalese blurb in the smallest available print. It's very difficult to wade through.

Now, before you think I'm slagging off celebs, I'm not. Ghostwriter's provide a valuable service by writing books people want to read. Katie Price has fully admitted she isn't a writer. She does come up with the ideas for her fiction books, but she doesn't have the ability to write them, so Farnworth does it for her. That's fair enough. Ms Farnworth has also been allowed to describe what working with Katie Price is like. It's a fascinating read, as Ghostwriters have to spend so much time with the subject.

But surely she deserves a bit more credit than a single line on the copyright page? how difficult is it for the publishers to do what WWE does and have KATIE PRICE in big screaming letters and "with Rebecca Farnworth" underneath? I have to say, it was incredibly difficult to find out who ghostwrote Steven Gerrard's book.

I don't object to the practice of Ghostwriting the way the One Show do. But I'm of the opinion that Ghostwriters deserve a fairer amount of credit for the work they do. And I'm very VERY glad I'm not one of them. In a way, writers like the one's mentioned above are luck, in that their names are getting out there. For new ghostwriters coming in, this won't be the case, and thats the kind of thing that can make or break careers.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Bendanarama And Leila Live-Blog Eurovision!

So, last year, completely randomly, my friend Leila and I ended up in an enormous facebook thread about the Eurovision song contest, as it was happening. This year, we decided to do it again. And midway through, Bexychan's sister Inky turned up!

I've tried to edit this into something semi-readable. I may have failed.


Bendanarama: Well, I've got a horrible feeling that opening performance was the highlight of the evening.

Leila: XD Hah hah! That was a catchy version of Satellite.

Bendanarama: Catchy like Syphillis.


Leila: Is Finland the result of Justin Beiber and Jedward colliding and giving him music lessons with Mylie Cyrus?

Bendanarama: You know I was just thinking that

Bendanarama: Bexychan think's he's sweet. I want to stab him.

Leila: He looks like the kind of boy you'd bring home to meet your mother.

Bendanarama: He looks like the kind of boy you'd bury in a shallow grave.

Bosnia and Herzegovina

Leila: What's Bruce Forsythe doing singing maths?

Bendanarama: Oh Dear sweet Jesus.

Leila: Is that dancer meant to be there?

Bendanarama: A Guy that age singing about going to school usually involves promises of candy and a windowless van.

Leila: AH HAH! Someone mentioned he looks like Eric Idle! It's almost uncanny!

Bendanarama: This event hasn't been the same since Terry Wogan stopped taking the piss out of it.

Bendanarama: and I never thought anything would make me miss Terry Wogan.


Bendanarama: Are they Mass cloning Jedward Now?

Leila: I was just thinking that - they obviously share a stylist.

Leila: And got the same singing instructor as Finland. It sounds too much like his.

Bendanarama: This is Bitterly Torrid.

Bendanarama: It's like, Busted level rock.

Leila: Even Busted had more fire in them than this.

Bendanarama: I do hope it's not all gonna be songs about hope and love. Those suck. Give us death and destruction.

Leila: Bring back Lordi!

Bendanarama: YES,



Leila: Four songs in and nothing decently bouncy and cheesy yet? Are they actually taking their entries seriously this year?

Bendanarama: You're implying they EVER take it seriously.


Bendanarama: Bexychan: "Generic Eurovision Diva."

Leila: Laila: "Kate Bush"

Leila: Is she subjecting the poor deaf people to her singing as well?

Leila: I'm still waiting for her to go into Wuthering Heights.


Leila: Retro pop? Big light up jewellry? NOW WE'RE TALKING!

Bendanarama: ‎"Big Light-up Jewelery." There is no god.

Leila: My mum has a ring that size.

Bendanarama: I choose not to make a rude joke at that statement. I hope you appreciate this.

Leila: I am disappointed you didn't take the bait, Bendanarama.

Leila: Okay, so far, Hungary has impressed me.






Bendanarama: Well Shit, Nietzche was right.

Leila: Lady Gaga called, she wants her wardrobe back.

Leila: In fact, I'm imagining Lady Gaga singing this now. So much better.

Bendanarama: Did no-one in Germany think to bring a fucking sniper rifle? No-one?

Leila: Apparently not.

Bendanarama: Everything about this evening thus far has been a hideous abortion of music.

Leila: Shit, the Eurovision facebook is exploding!

Bendanarama: I'll take your word for it.

Leila: It took me the whole song for my comment to get through!

Bendanarama: If only Eurovision would explode.

Bendanarama: In an Enormous fireball.


Bendanarama: Oh Christ.

Leila: ‎.....I think I know him.

Bendanarama: This is like, the theme tune for the horribly deluded.

Leila: I'm sure he was dressed as a Pokemon on Thursday night.

Bendanarama: Bexychan: "POPULAR. LOVE ME."

Leila: Can I have his shirt?

Bendanarama: No.

Bendanarama: Just No.

Leila: Ah least he had the decency to have hot dancers.

Leila: Please?

Leila: Or one of his dancers?

Leila: Is he going to emulate David Blaine?

Bendanarama: Feel free to the dancers. Given your recent misadventures, I think they're right up your alley.

Bendanarama: or each others.

Leila: Hey, I can still watch :p



Bendanarama: ‎"She's a big star in Estonia."

Leila: Holy shit, what is she wearing?

Bendanarama: Isn’t that like saying she's the best looking patient in a burns ward?

Leila: MAGIC!

Bendanarama: ‎...I wouldn't.

Leila: Eh, not much to comment on here for her.

Bendanarama: she has manjaw.


Leila: High hopes for Greece

Leila: Hope now wavering.

Bendanarama: I didn't know David Beckham was the greek entry this year.

Leila: This sounds like a funeral dirge crossed with a military march.

Leila: My Chemical Romance will be all over the cover for this.



Leila: Oooo, okay Russia has my interest already.

Bendanarama: And Mine has already been lost.

Bendanarama: DIE.

Leila: Oh look, Kinicky from the T-Birds.

Leila: is the token black guy wearing a skirt?


Leila: Now you see, this is appealing with the teen girl in me who collected A1 songs.

Leila: Actually, don't they look a lot like Blue?

Bendanarama: The teen girl in you, as I recall is still fairly similar to the girl outside you.


Bendanarama: So. this is the french favourite. Allegedly.

Leila: Ah, but the teen girl inside me wouldn't dream of getting kissed by drunk gay men dressed as Team Rocket.

Leila: Okay, I am impressed by France.

Bendanarama: That's a lie, and we both know it.

Bendanarama: We're twenty seconds in. I ain't holding my breath yet.

Leila: I dunno, he's holding interest so far.

Leila: And with his voice!

Bendanarama: Okay, I can run with this.

Bendanarama: It's a bit like Nessun Dorma.

Leila: Well done to the computer graphics geeks who did his backdrop for him.

Leila: I was trying to remember what it sounded like.

Leila: FIRE!

Leila: He gets my vote.


Bendanarama: Ooh, Italian Jazz. I'm sold.

Leila I want to sit in a smoky bar somewhere now.

Leila Ow, that note screeched a bit.

Ben Myatt That's Jazz, baby.

Leila I think I'd prefer that song if he didn't sing.

Leila: Okay, Switzerland are packing a cello. I'm curious now.


Bendanarama: That is the weirdest fucking green room in creation.


Leila: Something relevant to your blog now!

Bendanarama: That's the worst pitstop in history.

Leila: I feel they need some hula dancers there.

Inky His grin, on the bass, :D


Bendanarama: taking the piss out of shit TV is relevant to my blog

Leila: I want that background for a screen saver.


Bendanarama: Na

Bendanarama: Na

Bendanarama: NAAAA

Bendanarama: NA

Leila: Her singing?

Leila: I'm more entranced by the background.

Bendanarama: Yes.

United Kingdom


Bendanarama: dammit, why couldn't we get the Aston Martin.

Bendanarama: we get fucking rowers.

Leila: Go Blue Go!

Bendanarama: that sucks.

Inky I'm ashamed to say that Mam and Dad voted for Jedward...

Leila: Blame the English who are living in Germany

Leila: ‎......

Bendanarama: I'm feeling the cold fingers of another shit year already.

Inky: I would like to make it clear that we had no part in that

Leila: Oh dear Inky Oh dear.

Leila: What? Why? This is a good song!

Leila: Ah, this sounded better on single than it does live.

Bendanarama: I'm not quite sure how to feel about this,

Inky It's not very catchy D:

Leila: I like it!

Bendanarama: Your definition of a good song and mine are startlingly different, arent they?

Leila: You only just twigged this?

Bendanarama: like a flying knee to the testicles.

Bendanarama: WORST. PYRO. EVER.

Leila: Seriously, the studio version sounded so much better.

Bendanarama: That's like saying Herpes is better than Gonnorhea.


Bendanarama: oh, dear sweet jesus.

Inky: oh god

Leila: ‎*is currently laughing and pointing at the TV* GNOOOOMES!

Inky: I love the flying spinny gnomes in the bg

Bendanarama: I wasn’t aware ripping off the strokes was acceptable in Eurovision this year.

Leila: Oh look, as if they don't look mad enough, have a fairy on a unicycle!

Bendanarama: ‎...

Bendanarama: actually... this is pretty catchy.

Bendanarama: it's gnome-ska.

Leila: ‎......

Leila: I can NOT stop laughing.

Leila: ‎....he has a monocle!

Bendanarama: MONOCLE.


Leila: Has Germany got sperm for dancers?

Bendanarama: How far are we in? I don't have any booze, and the evening is starting to blur.

Leila: 16‎ songs in.

Bendanarama: I would.

Bendanarama: Definitely.

Leila: Germany's returning champion in to defend her title.

Leila: I'm sure Bexychan would too.

Leila: Geez, how skinny is she?

Bendanarama: Bexychan here. All I have to say on the matter is BOW CHICKA BOW WOW. Gotta love me some sexy Germans :D

Leila: This is reminding me of an 80s song.

Bendanarama: ‎"Taken by a stranger." We're back to windowless vans again.


Leila: Whoo, County Durham boy for you Bexychan!

Bendanarama: ooh, it's Bexychan and Inky's local boy.

Inky Aw yeah :D

Leila: Traitor, singing for another country

Inky Apparently he's been living there for about 5 years

Leila: Okay, this is kinda peppy.


Leila: Anyone else bopping along?

Bendanarama: No.


Bendanarama: And Austria's latest horrific contribution to the world is...

Leila: Okay, an A Capella start sounds interesting.

Leila: Alexandra Burke?

Bendanarama: And she's already up there with Hitler and Fritzl in terms of Austria's exports.

Inky: Not too bad, got me swaying along

Leila: Eh, it's not grabbing me.


Leila: Running scared? Think they're confident?

Leila: Somewhere only we know, somewhere only we know~~

Bendanarama: Who let Azerbaijan's cheap clone of J-LO in?

Bendanarama: IF this doesn't end with live fucking on stage I'm disappointed and they have lost my vote.

Bendanarama: VOTE. LOST.

Leila: Looks like they lost your vote.

Leila: And they're supposed to be the favourites this year.


Leila: I want her gloves.

Bendanarama: That eurovision heart looks a pair of throbbing testicles.

Leila: ‎*covetting those boots*

Leila: Can I mug her for those boots?

Bendanarama: Seriously, enormous pair of nuts.

Leila: I'll catch them the next eyecatch.

Bendanarama: sure. go wild. just make sure you kill them all.

Leila: I think each of them has an item of clothing I want. Easy enough.

Leila: You must have a weird pair of nuts.


Leila: Iceland isn't too bad.

Bendanarama: I can run with this one.

Bendanarama: Is that James Corden?

Leila: Could very well be


Bendanarama: Spain will suck. They just will.

Leila: I'm dancing already.

Bendanarama: Yup. Sucks. Balls.

Leila: I quite like this.

Leila: This is a nice light hearted summer song.

Bendanarama: You Would.


Leila: Did he just say Ukraine's Got Talent?

Leila: ‎!! I recognise the sand artist!

Leila: She skinned a poor bird for her dress!

Leila: That artist is so awesome.

Leila: Okay, hands up if you paid more attention to the arty background as opposed to her singing?

Inky: Was mesmerised by the sand painting that I ignored the song

Inky: Yeah, that XD


Leila: ‎....

Leila: I'M SOLD.

Bendanarama: I see Serbia are catching up to fashion trends sixty years too late.

Leila: I want the green dress

Inky: Ok, this one is great

Bendanarama: And I want to drink until I'm unconscious. I guess we're all losing today.


Leila: Who needs alcohol when that screen is enough to send you loopy?


Leila: Georgia are dressed interestingly.

Bendanarama: Oh God. I smell sweat and despair

Leila: Flashing lights? Haven't there been enough already? Why warn now?


Bendanarama: WINNING.

Leila: It's Linkin Park rehashed.

Bendanarama: Georgia does Linkin Park!

Leila: With Amy Winehouse on vocals.


Leila: I'm sticking with France this year.

Leila: I might like this song if it was a gravelly male voice.

Bendanarama: Yes. Just. Fucking. YEs.

Inky: The skirt of her dress is awful.

Into the Voting

Leila: So Inky, who are you voting for?

Inky: Moldova :D

Inky: Parents have voted for Ireland, Italy and Romania

Bendanarama: Georgia. It's on.

Leila: France, Russia and Hungary.

Leila: I will be very sorely disappointed if France doesn't get top 3 at least.

Bendanarama: georgia, iceland, moldolva.

Bendanarama: Bexychan is having a freakout. Graham Norton is talking on the TV AND ON HER PHONE.

Leila: XD

Bendanarama: WINNING.

Leila: Why is there a Turkey flag there? Turkey didn't get into the final.

Leila: How many UK voters will have voted for Jedward, you think?

Bendanarama: too fucking many.

Leila: This is going to be interesting.


And in an update, Azerbaijan went on to win. Despite the lack of on stage fucking. It was a entertaining year, despite a severe lack of booze, and it was mainly tolerable because I spent most of the evening sitting there taking the piss out of it.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Possession is nine tenths of the law.

For a few years now, I've had recurring nightmares about being possessed. I don't know why.

Normally, they follow watching a film or reading a story about demonic possession, but not always. The other night, Bex told me I'd been shouting in my sleep. I know for a fact that I was dreaming about being possessed again.

It's weird. It's also terrifying. I don't know where it started, but I know for a fact that Demonic possession is one of the single scariest concepts for me on the face of the planet. The idea of something taking you over, corrupting you from the inside out. That horrifies me. That and werewolves.

Werewolves freak me the fuck out.

But anyways. The dreams I've been having have always had the same creature in them. When I was doing a podcast about three years ago, I described a pair of vivid green eyes that I kept seeing in my minds eye. I used to imagine them for years, and I always used to associate them with a very specific place.

When I was a lot younger, My family and I used to stay at my Grandma's house for a couple of weeks every year in the summer. It was quite an oldish house. There was a long corridor between the bedroom me and my sisters stayed in, and the bathroom at the back of the house. That corridor scared the living shit out of me. I have no idea why. Probably, this whole green eyes thing was me mentally giving some kind of visualisation to the feelings of fear that I had. The corridor was probably only about ten feet long, but it was like the impending chasm of Doom.

Recently though, the dream changed from just being the eyes to a more creepy image of a skeletal figure crawling up the bed and looming over me, staring with those same green eyes. Often as not, this occurs when I'm still lucid, so I'm hanging just between sleep and wakefullness, completely conscious of the shape of the bed around me and the setting of the bedroom. That's probably what freaks me out the most. Other than that vivid mental image, it seems to take all the traditional symptoms of the Nightmare.

So Yeah. That's what I've been doing lately. How about you?

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Just one of the many pitfalls of Fanfiction.

Well, despite the exceptionally busy weekend timetable I posted on Friday, I managed to get both the third chapter of Time and Tide and the Eighth chapter of Critical situation completed last night. This was good, because it meant I could watch the excellent Turkish Grand Prix with impunity without the obligation to write fanfiction hanging over my head.

And yes, I do consider it an obligation. When I get notifications telling me people signing up to the mailing list to receive updated on the story it tends to guilt trip me into writing more.

I finished the fanfiction chapter at about quarter to one last night, and posted it up straight away. I was pretty damn proud of this chapter. I know that sounds stupid but whilst I'm not proud of writing fanfiction (because, well, it's fanfiction) I am pretty proud when I write something that I know has been written well.

Anyways, I got up this morning, and as is my want, I check my reviews. And lo and Behold, theres this gem:

"The fic looks interesting but why you had to put TK drunkenly having sex with another girl? good thing he and Kari weren't dating so no harm done but still it was that really necesary for Kari and him to realize it wouldn't work? I mean wouldn't have simply better that they realized they're like brother and sister without having to add TK having sex with another girl after telling Kari that he loves her? o.o"

Now, I know the guy who wrote this review. He's a nice guy, but like a lot of people on FFnet, he takes his fandom a leeeetle too seriously. It should also be noted that English is not his first Language, so please forgive his grammar.

Now, the mention of TK's drunken Sexcepades was literally one line. Maybe twenty words out of a 2000+ word chapter. Yet this is the line he chose to focus on and complain about. I don't normally respond to reviews, but I decided to in this case.

"Because It adds tension, and because that "Realising they were like brother and sister" shit is dull. what it also illustrates is that this fic is different than usual and that none of the characters are their usual paragons of virtue. On top of that, I also mentioned that there was a bitterness betwen Kari and TK In chapter 4. This is the source of that. It's not a "TK is a bastard" Line. It's a "TK is Human and made a mistake that poleaxed his and Kari's potential relationship" Line."

And there I thought the matter would rest. I had given an explanation of why the line was in there. a few minutes later, I got a message back:

"Yeah but still why TK has to be the one making a mistake? why not Kari herself for a change? is just that in most Daikari fics whenever they include TK and Kari dating it always it TK the one making the mistake that causes the break up, that is so overused that it is as dull as the brother and sister thing, believe me, I have seen that a lot. That's why I kinda didn't liked it much since I felt it was the same cliche, only that you didn't had them dating, just TK telling her that he loves her. Still Kari herself said it, he was drunk, how do we know if it wasn't the girl the one getting him drunk to get him? You know how there are girls that aren't precisely angels and would do anything to get the guy they want.

Still dunno, I didn't liked it much, also it is really necesary to have TK in love with Kari and then making a mistake? Why there has to be a tension? as far I saw it really didn't added anything to the main plot, just with using the TK studying outside Japan was enough actually.

You're a great writer man, that was the reason why I reviewed that chapter of your fic, because you can do it better than that, there are a lot of other tension sources you can use.

Also TK made a mistake so what? in that sense then the one wrong was Kari. TK was drunk, he wasn't concious of what he did and yet she begruded that o.o

Sorry if it sounded a bit rantish, is just that I felt it a tiny bit like attacking Takari, but maybe is just me."

Okay, after this one, I was starting to get a little pissed off. The problem with writing fanfiction is that you have to deal with fandoms, and the digimon fandom has more splinter groups than a Terrorist convention. My annoyance stemmed partly from the fact that I've not only gone out of the way to not attack other fandoms, I've made an issue over people from my Fandom attacking others, because it's fucking stupid. What really ground my gears, though, was the "It didn't add anything to the main plot" line.

Excuse me? I wasn't fucking aware that I'd told you the entirety of my plans for this fucking fic! making an issue over fandom bullshit is one thing, primarily since I don't care about it, but deciding on the basis of one line what affects the plot and doesn't pisses me right off. So yeah, response time.

"Oh, for God's sake ****, Give over.

1) In my personal experience, nine times out of ten it is a bloke who who goes out, gets off his face and shags someone.

2) I need Kari to feel hurt for the purposes of the story. Pretty much every character in this fic is damaged goods

3) How do you know it doesn't add anything to the main plot. we're still very much in the early stages here. You're assuming an awful lot about this story there.

4) It was nothing to do with attacking Takari. Takari is a none-factor in this fic. I made that very clear early on.

5) A lot of your message comes across as the usual "I don't want to see my favourite character have a flaw" nonsense. Kari will have flaws that will be explored later in the story. TK have flaws that are being put out of the way here. I get this same line from Daikari fans every time I have Davis be a fuck-up in my stories, so I've seen it before, dude. I know you like TK, but please don't assume there isn't a purpose in the plot for what I'm writing. With the exception of "As Long as She's Happy" - which was a piece of shit story with no redeeming features - I've never had throwaway moments of TK being an Arse, so please don't assume this is one.

Now this response may come across as a bit Rantish, but I don't like that it feels you're trying to impose your personal preference of TK as a paragon of Virtues on my fic. I also don't appreciate that you see me making a line about TK where he makes a mistake that poleaxes his relationship with Kari, and you assume it's an attack on your fandom, since - barring my early days where I was a ranty teenager - I have a very good record of not attacking your fandom, unlike a lot of other Daikari authors.

I appreciate you taking the time to write your concerns, but please do not assume that I'm making a random attack on TK, or that you know where this story is going. What I'd like you to do is ask yourself if I had said that Kari's boyfriend, who she loved dearly - but was not TK - went and cheated on her, would you have the same reaction."

So yeah, slightly snarky response there, I have to admit. But as I'm sure you can see, this was something that annoyed me. I genuinely felt this guy was trying to impose his own version of the character on my own - and worse, made it clear in his response that he felt my writing was worse for not adhering to his definition of what the character would do. That really made me rather angry. I'm trying to write a story, and I'm told that basically, a big part of it is shit because I don't view someone's favourite character as the paragon of all earthly virtues. Fandom shit has always been something that pisses me off. I'll admit, I went through that phase, but got out of it very early on. I started writing fanfiction ten years ago, and this guy was still doing this same stuff then.

It's this constant attitude that I should compromise what I'm writing to cater to the people reading it. It's also this apparent assumption that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing when it comes to my own goddamn story.

Word to the wise. I'm writing it. I've planned it. I've researched it. Please don't fucking assume you know better than me what I'm going to write. I'm quite happy to accept criticism, when there is some basis for it. Just because you don't like what I've done with your precious favourite character, doesn't mean something is poorly written.

Grow the fuck up.

Friday, 6 May 2011

I like to Plan my Procrastination.

I'm determined to get writing done this weekend. I Need to get writing done this weekend. I need to finish of chapter three of Time and Tide and I pretty much should do a chapter of Critical Situation before the three people who are reading it decide to kick me square in the nuts for yet again not sticking to my promises in relation to chapter updates.

Of course, that isn't gonna be easy. I'm planning on having something resembling a lie-in tomorrow - although given that all last week when I was off I only managed to sleep past 7:30am once and that was when I'd drunk myself into something resembling a catatonic state the night previously. The problem is, I've got far too much going on this weekend.

Now, I'm most definitely not a social animal, so you can assume from the tone of my previous entries that this is gonna involve me watching cars going round a track at high speeds.

and goddamn but theres a lot of good action on this weekend. The Turkish Grand Prix is looking like a scorcher - although if it turns out to be a wet race it's definitely gonna be intriguing since Seb Vettel decided to park his RB7 in the wall at the exit of Turn Eight. Last I checked they were still rebuilding it, so the world champion is losing a lot of very necessary practice and setup time.

On top of that, theirs the 1000km's of Spa in the Intercontinental Le Mans Cup. I'm starting to really get into Endurance racing because I just love the design of the cars, and with the Audi R18 and Peugeot 908 getting their first racing runs in the race thats essentially a dress rehearsal for the 24 hours of Le Mans next month. I was actually slightly tempted by the idea of watching the whole 24 hours this year, then I realised that during the night bugger all happens .

But I digress: In the vague hope I wake up at 8am-9am tomorrow, I'm gonna try and start writing straight away.

Wait a damn minute. Free practice 3 starts at 9am, and runs till 10:55.

qualifying coverage for Turkey starts 11am. It runs till 1pm. At approximately 1pm the coverage at Spa begins on Eurosport. Of course, I can write after that race ends.

At about 6pm.

Oh Shit. Doctor Who starts at 6pm. It has pirates. I can't miss Doctor Who with Pirates!

Okay, so 7pm. I can write from 7pm.

But it's the weekend. I put off playing videogames through the week to write. And Saturday night is the best time for Multiplayer shenanigans. So that makes Saturaday night a write off, realisitically.

Okay, so, Sunday. I'll try on Sunday.

Dammit, GP2 is on Eurosport as well. After my blog entry about single seater feeder series earlier in the year theres no way I can justify not watching the start of the GP2 series this year. Otherwise I'll just look even more like a bell-end who doesn't know what he's talking about. More so than usual.

Okay, I'll write after the GP2 raaaaaaaagoddammit the Grand Prix starts after the GP2 race. And after the Race, I'll have to watch the F1 Forum. Because it's awesome.

right. okay. We're encroaching on, like, 3pm at this time. Half of my Sunday writing time is gone. Better get down to ooooh videogame time. Gotta get in my Videogame time. Not gonna get it during the week. I've gotta devote that time to writing. I APPRECIATE THE IRONY.

Well, Sunday night, right, Sunday night, I can get my writing done.

Aw, hell, Richard Hammond's engineering connections starts at 7:10pm. Then it's Britain's Secret Seas, which looks awesome. Then Lord Sugar is investigating football at 9pm. That looks awesome too. Okay, so I generally go to bed around 11pm on a night before work unless it's my extra long shift on mon... and goddammit it's my extra long shift on Monday. 10:30 to eleven Bed time.

So. I've got half an hour to write in between ten and ten-thirty. But my Awesome wife will want me to pay attention to her at some point this weekend. Better pencil her in for here.

I give up. This weekend is far to awesome to be conductive to a good writing atmosphere.

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

What an odd way to start the week.

Well, time to get on with that ambition of actually writing something. And of keeping up with blog entries. And trying to make this into less of a Motorsport blog - since all and sundry have told me they don't generally read my motorsport entries. So yeah, I'm now trying to get back into the swing of things.

And prevent my blog becoming a glorified Livejournal.

So anyways, yeah, writing.

Gonna try and set myself a bit of a target - I'm gonna stop playing video games as much as possible through the week (other than the odd game of Assassins Creed multiplayer to keep my rep up!) And I'm gonna focus on writing... something each night.

Yet again, fuck knows what.

I think some novel tonight. Maybe a wee bit of fanfic. Maybe.

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Writing. It's a funny old game.

I've come to a conclusion. It's not a particularly nice conclusion.

I cannot write when I have the actual time to write. See, I've been on Holiday for the last eleven days. I've Written about half a page of my new novel, and absolutely nothing of any fanfiction. Hell, the fact that I've started writing goddamn Fanfiction again should be enough to convince you that I like to write. No-one writes fanfiction with the intention of making money off it. Because lets face it, nothing screams bestseller like "Jesus and Hitler: A Romance."

I know it's a troll, but I had to work that shit into it somehow. Although, to be honest the Reviews are funnier than the fic itself.

Where was I?

Oh Yeah, writing.

Over the last week or so, I've done virtually no writing. I've sat down at times, thinking "I should write," But every time I've found something to distract me. I think I've figured out what my issue is.

I started writing fanfiction when I was at school, primarily as a way of escapism, and then because I simply started to enjoy writing. But I enjoy other things too, like gaming, watching movies, watching sport, and watching endless amounts of Top Gear.

Oh. And Webcomics. Let's not forget the webcomics.

Actually, lets, because much as I love webcomics, the last time I wrote about them, Doug TenNapel decided to hatefuck my blog on Twitter.

Anyways, I think the keyword in all of that was escapism. I tend to do my best writing when I get home from work, same as I tended to write prolifically when I got back from school at the age of 15. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean I wrote well, considering my most popular earlier piece of fanfiction was a Digimon flavoured Rip-off of Notting Hill.

I Don't even know why I linked to that. It's shit. But for some reason, people like it.

But anyways, I recently went back to writing fanfiction, and popped out two chapters and a half chapter of original writing in the space of a week.

Then I went on holiday, and I've written... Nothing. Nada. Zip. I've planned some bits and come up with ideas for my novel, but I haven't written shit. And I think it's entirely because I don't need to escape from my current scenario of dossing around, playing video games and getting lashed until I shout at Taxi drivers.

But I go back to work on Tuesday.

Better get the fuckin' notepad out, hadn't I?

Oh, and I'm gonna try and blog more. Again.